The newest wedding question on the block: Should I elope or have a wedding.

This past year (the “year who shall not be named”…) I truly fell in love with the idea of eloping for a wedding, for myself and for my couples. And so it felt only necessary to share my thoughts as an Asheville Elopement Photographer on the subject: the pros and cons of eloping, the benefits of eloping, reasons not to elope, eloping with family, and lots more. So that’s the purpose of today’s blog.

A few bigger notes though: There is a lot of grey area here, and it comes down to YOU personally to define some of these things. I am also not the only opinion that matters, nor am I the “right” opinion. I write this with the singular goal of helping you think more deeply and personally about the day you’re planning. So if you feel the need to sit with this topic, do some googling, or talk to your partner, your parents, whomever, then my job is done. You can thank me in Taco Bell gift cards, please.

And lastly, it’s important to not think about where to elope in NC (for example), but also where can I elope in NC - some locations come with rules, regulations, and restrictions. So before you go off planning based on a photo you’ve seen on Instagram or something you heard from a friend, do your research, or hire a professional (like me) who knows the ins and outs of the specific state, city, or even exact location you plan on eloping at.

Should I Elope Quiz

#1 - Is this wedding for me, or for my guests?

I bet you want to answer with “well, both, of course!” But really think about it. Do you know everyone on your guest list, or did your parents ask you to invite their friends that you’ve never met? Do you want to spend a good bit of time with just you and your spouse, no one else, or with your friends and family? Do you have a large guest list or a small one? Is there a very specific agenda to the day, or a lot of room for flexibility and hanging out? Depending on which way you’re answering these questions, you could be planning more for your guests (which I would consider more like a traditional wedding) or more for you two (which I would consider more like an elopement). In my eyes, the best of both worlds is truly having an elopement and a reception, but more on that later.

#2 - Are my ideas my own, or are they just what I’ve seen everyone else do?

The media - whether it be Instagram, Pinterest, Wedding Blogs, Movies, TV Shows, etc. - help to create our idea of what a wedding “should” look like. But stop “should-ing” yourself! Your wedding or elopement should look like whatever you want it to. It should capture your personality, your likes, your dreams. If you think wedding cakes and first dances are corny, then perfect! Leave them out! If you think a mountaintop beats a wedding venue any day of the week, then great! Embrace the outdoors and have your ceremony in nature. Challenge what you’ve seen, what has become “normal” for wedding planning in your eyes. Think outside the box, and don’t give a hoot what other people think as long as it makes you happy. Even if it’s the most unique idea in the world, I’m willing to bet someone has already done it. But the key here is YOU haven’t done it, so it’s your memory to hold.

#3 - Does the sheer idea of my wedding make me and my partner happy?

Honor yourselves and stay true to yourselves. It takes courage to be bold and break the mold, but it’s your wedding day, and no one else’s. If an intimate ceremony with just the two of you, an officiant, and a photographer in front of a stunning waterfall makes you happy, do it. And if inviting your closest friends and family to a celebration afterward in an ice skating rink makes you happy, do it. And if holding a huge wedding in a ballroom with 300+ people, some of which you’ve met once or twice your entire life, makes you happy, do it. Follow your joy. Just do it. If you aren’t smiling from ear to ear when thinking about your wedding plans and how you wish you could do it all tomorrow, then you’re not honoring yourself. Planning a wedding or an elopement can be stressful at times, but when you image the day, all the stress should melt away. If there’s any component that you’re planning and think about and it just gives you anxiety, maybe it’s time to question why you’re doing that part of the day.

#4 - Is wedding planning causing you stress or excitement?

I would argue that either one can cause you more stress than excitement, and therefore shouldn’t be a red flag to consider the other option. But is the idea of a big wedding stressing you out? Go small. Is being away from your family the whole day causing you stress? Include them in part of the day - virtually or in person. Get in touch with your emotions and understand that “planning is always stressful” is simply not true. It can be sometimes true, but if you’re 100% stressed and 0% excited, then there’s your true red flag. I personally LOVE the planning aspect almost as much as the actual day itself, but that’s just who I am as a person.

#5 - Do your wedding plans feel authentic?

Authenticity is the biggest component, in my eyes, of an elopement. Staying true to yourself, and not listening to anyone else who disagrees with what you’re planning. If your plans feel like they’re just for the photos and not for the enjoyment, then maybe they’re not authentic.

So my overall thoughts are this: Plan an untraditional wedding. Plan the wedding for you and your partner, to honor your love for each other, to mark a milestone in your life together. Get an officiant, if you need one, or include someone very dear to you both to “officiate” and hold the space for you two. But make it something special to signify the beginning of a new chapter for you two.

Pick a location that is special to you both. Doesn’t have to be scenic, can be where you met, where you’ve always talked about getting married, whatever. Your elopement doesn’t have to be in Iceland or Patagonia or in front of a waterfall if you don’t want it to.

The reception should feel like a family gathering, like Thanksgiving or Christmas, or a New Year’s party. Find a space, everyone brings food and drink, everyone dresses how they want to. No DJ, just a playlist or some live music you love. No planner, just a start time. No crazy decorations, no party favors, no timeline. Just a good stinkin’ time with the people you love.

And photos throughout the whole thing. Some of the two of you, for the walls of your new home. Some of the people who mean the most to you, your friends and family, for the album your children will look at someday.

And a whole lot of laughter and smiling. That’s it.

If you’re vibing with all of this, shoot me a message, and let’s chat about planning your perfect elopement or wedding!

- Nick